A Sharpie and A Mercedes
by elle127
Summary: When sent on a prolonged mission in the world of the living several Gotei 13 officers use their wealth and splurge on cars. When Renji is having the worst day in the office the last person he'd expect lends a hand, which Renji manages to screw up.


Once upon a time in the Soul Society everyone's favorite hot blooded lieutenant woke up to the sound of his alarm clock blaring in his ear the worst song he could possibly imagine. Renji Abarai pulled the covers off his head and stole a sleepy-eyed glance at the clock. The time read an hour past what it was supposed to be.

"Stupid daylight savings," he snarled jumping out of bed and into the shower. He turned on the hot water all the way and to his annoyance cold water poured over him.

"Stupid Izuru using up all the hot water," he snarled again. He made do with the cold shower because he wasn't one to complain about things. So after he had pulled on his shihakusho and tied his hair back he made a hot pot of coffee remembering that himself and a whole bunch of other important officers were stationed in the real world for the time being. Annoyed he ran back into the bedroom and pulled on a pair of jeans, a plain black-tee-shirt and the Gotei-13 track Jacket that Captain Arisa Uchimani designed. He ran back down to the kitchen and saw that his coffee was done. He poured it into the travel mug Momo Hinamori got him for his birthday and grabbed the keys to the shiny red Corvette sitting in the driveway.

Rain poured on his head as he tired to unlock the door. They keys then slipped from his hand and fell into a puddle. He picked them up and got in the car. When he put the keys in the ignition the fuel meter read zero. Renji pulled out his wallet and saw to his annoyance that there was no money in it.

"Damn it," he snarled

So Renji was broke, with no gas, late for work, in the rain, now with spilled coffee over his pants because he knocked the mug over. He was pissed as he walked to the large building the Gotei 13 was using as a location for now. He hoped his life would pick up in the office.

It didn't.

There was a mound of paperwork on his desk waiting to be filed, stamped, signed and all that other stuff with no way he could get Bletchley to do it this time. Then he realized that he made to face the copy machine to photocopy some stuff for his captain. He walked do the hallway to the copy room and went to copy his papers. The stupid thing jammed after the third copy and worst still when he bent down to fix it the stupid thing spurted ink in his face.

Grumbling after he washed the ink off Renji made his way back to the office. His captain Byakuya Kuchiki noticed something about Renji. The rarest thing in the history of all the Soul Society occurred: Byakuya pulled a set of keys from his pocket and handed them to Renji.

"Go," he commanded.

Renji didn't need telling twice. He went down into the parking garage where all the captains kept their cars and because they were captains they weren't you average Hondas, Toyotas, or Nissans either. Thirteen cars stood in a neat row gleaming as though they were waxed yesterday (which they probably were) There was more money here then Renji could ever make in his life. The least expensive car here was probably third company captain Jake Emmerson's Mazda at about seventy-five thousand dollars and only because he refused to buy domestic and had this one imported. Yamamoto's white Cadillac shimmered under the garage light giving contrast to the black Mercedes-Benz driven by Soi Fon. Emmerson's German imported Mazda glistened with a dark shimmer providing the balance and contrast to the white Audi of Unohana parked next to it. Newly appointed fifth company captain Hideaki Uchimani's navy Bentley completely threw off the yin-yang balance of the cars driven by the first four. Komamura's tan hummer dwarfed the mid-sized white Mercedes owned by Kyoraku. Arisa Uchimani's black Corvette gleamed with an eerie shimmer, even completely motionless it looked fast. Next to that was Hitsugaya's white BMW, a gift from Ukitake and as small as its owner it was dwarfed by Kenpachi's black hummer. An empty space for the nonexistent car of Kurotsuchi left Ukitake's white BMW isolated from the others but it still shimmered nonchalantly.

The car that flashed when Renji hit the keypad was Kuchiki's black Mercedes- Benz SLR. It took him a few seconds to get over the fact that Captain Kuchiki would hand over his most prized possession; the same car that "The Rules" were established over.

He was about to get into the sleek car when the Corvette three cars over flashed its lights

"What the hell are you doing Abarai-kun?" Captain Arisa Uchimani was walking over and she looked suspicious. That was the last thing he needed right now; the head of the ninth company on his tail.

"Leaving," he answered her bluntly getting in the car.

"In Byakuya's Benz? I don't think so," she called from the corvette. Ignoring her Renji started the engine and Arisa started hers. They pulled out of their respective spaces and she made a smooth turn and waited for him so she could get out. Renji started to pull out unaware of his proximity to the garage's support pole. Arisa had a better view and tried to tell him he was too close.

Too late, the back bumper skimmed the pole leaving a scratch the size of a fine pen line on the glossy black paint. Renji pulled forward and cut the engine. Arisa cut hers and they both got out to inspect the damage.

"Crap," Renji moaned staring at the minor scratch. "I am so dead Byakuya's gonna murder me and bump Jen up a seat."

"Calm down," Arisa said firmly putting her hand on his shoulder. "It's barely noticeable, relax if anything say you didn't want to scratch the car pulling out of the space and I was walking by and this is my fault. Then again, if your car cost twice as much as my house why the hell would you park that close to the pole?"

Renji's eyes widened as the metaphoric light-bulb went off.

"Risa-san," he asked her. "Do you still have that big ass sharpie?" She knew what he was thinking and she did not condone it.

"Aw hell no, no way, I'll take the blame for the scratch but if that's your plan you're on your own then."

"What are you 'aw hell no' –ing about this time Risa?" Renji and Arisa turned around and saw Jen Bletchley the second lieutenant of company six and Rukia Kuchiki of company thirteen coming over. Rukia's eyes went from Renji, to Arisa to the car.

"What the hell did you do to my brother's Benz?" she asked horrified.

"This idiot backed into a pole," Arisa answered.

"Thanks just though me under the bus Risa," Renji snapped at her. "Some friend you are. Could this day suck anymore?"

"Byakuya's gonna kill you when he finds out you know," Jen said to Renji.

"Well I said to cover the scratch with a sharpie with she said no," Renji said pointing at Arisa.

"I don't know what he'll be more pissed about," Rukia said, "the mere fact that you scratched his baby or the fact that you tried to color on his baby with a sharpie."

"Don't look at me," Arisa said crossing her arms. "That was this moron's idea." She added cocking her head at Renji. He glared back at her.

"It's not noticeable," Jen said squatting to get a better look, "Honestly if you didn't say anything and I didn't look you can't tell. Leave it alone."

"So no sharpie then?" Renji asked

"What the hell did you smoke this morning?" Jen asked glaring at him. "That's a seven hundred thousand dollar Mercedes-Benz and you want to _color_ on it with _a sharpie_?"

"That's more than all of our asses put together," Arisa yelled. "Including mine and I'm a medic Anbu/Gotei 13 captain."

"That's a shitload of money," Rukia said simply.

"We are leaving the car and that's final," Arisa said firmly. "Now gimme the keys, I'll put the car back."

~*~*~*~*~

Later Renji gave the keys back to Byakuya. The captain took his car out on hi lunch break and when he returned called Renji into his office.

"Renji," he started

"Hai taichou?"

"Why is there a scratch on my Mercedes?"

~*~*~*~*~

**A/N I'll let you decide what happens to Renji....haha poor guy **


End file.
